Wednesday, November 7, 2012

5 years and 2 months...yeah that's better

Micah Claire you are the ONLY reason I continue to do a monthly blog update about you.  When you see me do Kinley's you immediately ask...."when will your do mine?" I love to blog about you, don't get me wrong, but I didn't anticipate still doing a monthly update on you at this age,lol! You officially turned 62 months months.... OKAY....... that just sounds about nuts to say......
how about we say you are 
5 years and 2 months old....yeah that sounds somewhat better,lol!

If I sit down and think wayyyy back to before I became a mom, I laugh!  I wanted children the moment we got married, but it just wasn't in our plan for almost 6 years.  So for 6 years I stared at pregnant women, wanting so badly to be one. I smiled when I saw a mom holding a newborn baby and couldn't wait to hold my very own one day. I would see little ones toddling around and fall and my eyes would fill with tears  at how exciting that was going to be for me to watch one day.  I thought motherhood would be the easiest, most wonderfulest thing in the world.  I was right when I thought it was going to be wonderful!  But easy and calm it is not. Some...actually most days.... I feel like a total damn failure at motherhood! I feel like some days are nothing but a battle with my children's wills and my patients. I feel like I'm not doing enough, not teaching them enough, not staying calm enough.  It is truly amazing how some days are beyond amazing and fill your heart with so much pride, joy, and love and you ache to add more children to your family.... and then some days you just want to throw in the towel and say I give up I can't do this thing called "motherhood!" This month has truly been nothing short of a roller coaster ride in our home.   We have one who as entered into the TERRIBLE TWO'S and another who is learning and saying things I never imagined she would at only 5 years old!

It seems like Micah Claire has grown in leaps and bounds this month as far as her physical ability to do things.  In the last 4 weeks her daddy has taught her to ride her bike with NO TRAINING WHEELS!!!! It is amazing to watch her ride now, she has a perm-a-grin on her face the entire time!!! She learned how to do a back bend from standing up, then learned how to kick over all by herself, and then 3 days later learned a back walk over.  It great to watch it all come together because she has worked so hard this month at gymnastics.  I could care less what she does, or how good she is at it, as long as she gives it 100% and I can truly say she has and that makes me so very proud of her.  And she learned how to cross the monkey bars all by herself.  Such an exciting time for her and I love minuet of it!

Those things are great but this month she has made 2 statements that have made me so very proud to call her MY DAUGHTER!!!  A month ago my childhood friend Matt Turner passed away.  To say his death was a shock and hard is a mire understatement   Matt and I lived on the same street from Kindergarten till almost 7 grade.  He was a great person and married a wonderful woman and they have a precious little baby girl name Preslee.  Matt's family has been through so much in these last few years that it truly pained me to hear this news.  I tried my best to not get upset in front of the girls but it was hard.  I tired to keep my tears private but that's so hard with two nosy girls.  At one point MC asked me why I was so upset and I just feel apart.  I tried to explain to her that he was a wonderful guy, husband, dad, son, brother, etc... and that many people are hurt and upset that he's no longer here.  She gave this funny look and said.... Momma do you think he's in heaven.  I said baby there is no doubt in my mind he is in heaven.  She immediately said then don't be sad momma, you and Ms. Leeanne (her Sunday school teacher) have taught me heaven is a wonderful place, the people are happy and safe, and the streets are lined with gold.  WOW what a proud moment! She gets its... she understands what heaven is and how glorious it is! I told her she was absolutely right; heaven was the most perfect place in the world and Matt was lucky to be there. But that for us left here on earth without him we are sad and hurt and gonna miss him till the day we see him again!  
Two Sundays ago we left right after Sunday school and headed to WalMart to get some groceries   YES we skipped church and NO there is no good reason but we were out of everything and Shawn was at Deer camp and I had no other help.  So, as we were walking in the WM parking lot she says Momma what are all these people doing here? I said they are getting food and stuff MC.  She said WHY are they not at church.  I said, well maybe they went to early church, or maybe they have a cold and don't want to make everyone sick, or maybe they don't go to church.  That last comment got her! They don't go to church???WHY NOT??? Before I could even answer she said............ that's sad, how will they know who God is, and how will they get to Heaven.   PRAISE THE LORD, PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!! My baby is putting it all together and she gets it.  It may the simplest form of understanding God, being saved, and going to heaven but she gets it and I'll take it!!!!!!!!!!! I told her that's why we need to pray for those people who don't know God or who choose not to believe in God.  And then she said......... Can we invite them to our church!!!!!!!!!!  Dear Lord I wanted to grab her up and kiss her from head to freaking toe!!!!!!!!!  I wanted every one in the world to hear what my sweet baby girl had said, I was so VERY proud of her!!!!!!!!!!!  

So you would think she is just peaches and pie and angel of the year after reading those last 2 paragraphs right ...... WRONG,lol! We are still struggling with the attitude and smart mouth daily.  I have no idea where my sweet child went but by golly I want her BACK!!!!  It seems we butt head daily over her attitude or her smart mouth comments. It's totally exhausting/draining to continually tell her why it's not acceptable, how she should be acting and discipline her over it. But I will do it till she gets it,  it's my job to raise her to be a honest, respectable, young lady....even if it freaking kills me!!!! 
Some how she learned about running away this month... think it was from a full house episode. She didn't like what I picked out for her to wear to church one morning and I told her it wasn't an option and she became very upset and told  me she was running away to Kalyn's house, because Kalyn's mommy was nice. YEP THAT STUNG!!! But I'm not here to be friend or buddy I'm here to be her momma so I had to swallow my pride and deal with it.  I said okay then you better pack a bag and hit the road. She thought i was joking but I wasn't.  She refused to pack a bag so I said.. that's your choice, now leave.  And she didn' I decided I would make her leave. I opened the front door and put her out.  She had a complete meltdown which I am sure could be heard from miles away.  After a min or two I let her back in and she said she was sorry!  NO I'm sure that wasn't the best course of action but I went with it! She has since pulled that line one more time and I put her outside again.  She calmed down instantly and was let back in (So please don't call DHS on me!).  She told me she was very sorry and will never talk to me like that again and she "really means it this time!"  So far so good, but only time will tell! 

And the big topper this month..........  We have pulled all Disney shows unless they are cartoons. We don't really watch much tv expect at the end of the day to unwind.  We have started watching The Cosby Show and Full House (hence the running away crap she tried to pull;lol!) Their times tend to over lap and my husband CAN NOT sit thru commercials so he is constantly flipping through channels   It was on The Cosby show and he flipped back to full house but decided to watch The Cosby show instead (it's is all time favorite show).  MC says Dadyy turn that back!  He said something along the lines of no, not right now, I'll turn it back when this goes to commercial.  She said NO daddy, I don't want to watch the show with the brown people, I want to watch the show with the white people! OMG I wanted to throw up, talk about a sick feeling!  How in the world does she even know that at only 5 years old!  It caught me so off guard, I was not prepared to have that conversation at this age but it had to be done!  We went to her room and had a serious talk which started with WHERE IN THE WORLD DID YOU LEARN ABOUT "BROWN" AND "WHITE" PEOPLE?!?!?!?!?!?!? She fumbled around but never came up with an answer.  I said why would you call them "brown" people? Do they look brown to you? I pulled a brown crayon out of her bag and said do they look like this color and she said NO.  I  pulled a white crayon out and said do you and I look like this color and she laughed and said NO.  I said EXACTLY! I held her arm up to my arm and said is my skin and your skin the exactly same color and she again laughed and said NO mommy!  I said EXACTLY!!! Nobody has the same skin color and Nobody should be referred to as a "certain color!"  I told her there are numerous types of race and ethnicitys in this world but we are all humans and we are all God's children.  She just smiled and said I know that mommy.  Uhhhh IDK if she got it or not; my explanation may have been too much for her age at this time! Maybe I over reacted to a mire observation and she didn't know what she was really saying. I just hope she learned it's not nice to say or a nice way to describe/referrer to people!

You are a BIG 62 months old  MC!

Uhh, I wonder when I will be able to take a picture without this leg popping up?!?!
And the  Good Lord only knows what this pose is all about;lol!

And Kinley bugs couldn't resist getting into the pic!

At last... as semi normal pose!!!
Why can't this child stand forward and upright for a picture;lol!
Monday was fall picture day at school! Last year Kinley refused to get into the pictures but this year she was all about it! I think they took some great pictures and I can't wait to see them!!!

You are totally obsessed with the side pony tail these days! You want to wear one EVERY DAY!!!


Anonymous said...

Our daughters sound exactly the same but mine is 10!! I feel your pain about the attitude. I noticed that they attitude would get worse when she would watch the Disney shows, so I cut those out too!! You are doing a great job and both of your girls are beautiful!!

Anonymous said...

I found your blog through Julee's and and I am so glad I did. It is so refreshing to hear someone talk about how hard motherhood is and how frustrating it can be and how much work and continuous effort it takes to be a good parent. It takes a lot of guts to put it all out there like you did. Thanks and your girls are precious!